Sending my son to the jewish cultural center's preschool has been making me think about my (lacking, ambivalent, confused) commitment to my own faith. seeing the jewish parents' confidence and ease--the ease with which they practise judaism and yet remain perfectly normal, intelligent and humorous ( qualities i have always thought to be beyond the realm of seriously religious folks...they all seem limited in some ways) -- makes me think that it should'nt be so hard for me either to combine my current self (ideas and actions) with a faithful self. why i had to go to a synagogue to see this i dont know...i am surrounded by methodists, and mar thomites who are equally balanced, funny and smart while being religious. but that's for taking apart later. all i know is, i need the idea of god, so i might as well believe in him. now see- that is blasphemous in itself. but i guess, the aetheists believe in their non belief. the agnostics believe in not knowing what to believe. i the fencesitter, believe in the sanity and immense peace of mind that comes from believing. therefore i believe, and forgive me god.