Lesson on love from a five year old (you-know-who).

J surprises me. Oh well, what's new. His latest comments, delivered with all the wisdom a five year can muster.
We were talking about friends and he says "How can my buddy Josh know that I love cars?"
"Because you're friends and friends know what their friends like and dislike."
"But how?"
"Because you love each other and you know each other."
Now this friend is so dear to J that the other day he came home, dropped his backpack and announced that he need to make a note for Josh.I handed him the paper and pencil and he wrote "Dear Josh, I am your best friend. I love you. By J."
I thought it was cute that he should say "I am your best friend" instead of "You are my best friend." An assumption that only a kindergartner can make, of how important he is to another kid. Vanity, yes, but of the purest variety.
But today, he said,
"I love Josh even though he's sometimes bad to me."
"Well, friends aren't supposed to treat you badly. nobody should. and you must say so -- you don't have to play with Josh if he's being mean."
"No mom, I'm his best friend. So even if he's mean, I'm his friend. Thats the promise I made and gave him. For him to keep, always." And J went back to driving his Lego car. I was so amazed. How early in life J has understood what the act of 'loving' really entails. And even though he's so young, he recognizes it and is willing not just to love his friend, faults and all (though I intend to talk to him about not letting anyone take him for granted or be rude to him) but also to recognize that this is part of his promise. He meant it when he said, "I am your best friend." This is his gift to Josh; vanity would have been for J to appropriate Josh and say, "You are my best friend." Instead, he simply gave his promise. And the vanity I identified? Any vanity came from my personal store of it, and certainly it caused confusion. J is the one who has it figured out.

Secularism in India/Secularism in the US: worlds apart

Just wanted to put down a thought -- in my last few years in bloomington, I got to see what secularism means in this country versus India. The USA is indeed a melting pot, with all the religions thrown in with each other. But thousands of years versus a few hundred make a difference, because in India, instead of the melting pot, we have an all embracing tradition where ideas and practices, both religious and cultural, intertwine and actually produce changes in previously existing practices and beliefs. The melting pot is just everything roasting in the same pot, thrown in after crossing the checkpoints on Ellis Island. But in India, RSS and fundamentalist Islam and firebrand evangelistic Christianity apart--and all of these are more modern developments--you find Sufism, HIndus visiting the shrine of Pirs, and Christians tying the mangalsutra during wedding ceremonies. And, I think, this has lots to do with the nature of Hinduism as a religion. Unlike the Abrahamic religions, it has no conceit. Its people are neither the chosen ones, nor the ones who will receive salvation. Its followers do not feel obliged to be fruitful and multiply. For all these reasons and more that I am sure i will be able to provide, Hinduism never felt threatened by foreign religions--except under the likes of Aurangzeb--and thus allowed for coexistence. How else could India be the birthplace of Hinduism, Buddhism, Jainism and Sikhism (though their main deities and gurus were all Hindus to begin with, so there are common cultural roots), but also provide sanctuary to Zoroastrians and Jews? Not to mention,Christians, who settled in Kerala long before the Catholic Church was established in Rome.

Secularism in the US means the irrelevance and removal of religion. But in India, where religion is really a way of life, secularism means the recognition of and inclusion of *all* religions. How wonderful that is. How wonderful that we Indians do not suffer from the cultural and religious anxiety that so many intelligent, educated and very likable, decent Americans I know, do. Whether I am lighting candles for Diwali or an impromptu Sabbath celebration in my non-Hindu, non-Jewish home, I know I enjoy both activities and see the beauty and meaning in each, without being threatened by performing them. This is unlike the non-Christian American folk I know who worry about sending their kids on an Easter Egg hunt. Or my non-Hindu Indian acquaintances who will not eat Prasad at their Hindu friends' homes. Why? What are you scared of? For the-name-your-own-God's sake, relax.

I had an epiphany today, of sorts. A spiritual experience that is truly satisfying is always an unconscious goal. I go to church, dabble in all sorts of religious thought, and have occasionally visited the empty chapel hoping that away from the noise and ritual of regular services, i might find something. this has worked, but very rarely. But today during yoga, i realized, as I struck a pose (we go through them all, crane, crow, dog, cow etc.), that yoga, with a good instructor, is a spiritual experience. Almost more than a physical experience. I was an archer, and the instructor talked about visualizing the melting away of obstacles, the realization of one's goal for the day, all while moving into different poses within the archer--stringing the bow, taking aim. It was so healing. And far more spiritually fulfilling than any recent church visit. Engaging the physical body is so crucial to disengaging the mind from its usual preoccupations. that's what 'flow' is, and, generalizing a bit, that is what happens when one is absorbed in one's work. Everything else fades. I think i got a peep through the keyhole today, into what it might be like to truly experience and know yoga. Yoga can open and expand the mind, by focussing the body. How fabulous!

Nirali at 2 and 4 months : she tells me at night, there are your "houljers". i say, "what?"
"your houljers".
"where are your houljers?"
she places her fingers on her shoulders.
I begin to laugh.
"why are you laughing, amma?" with the seriousness of an 8 year old examining a little animal.
on another occasion, she holds a little hotel shampoo travel pack. its her cell phone.
"amma, do you want happy baby face, sad baby face, or jongers or bongers?"
"i want jongers"
"ok, " she taps the shampoo bottle. "Click, click, checking...okay amma, here are jongers."
upon which jayanth comes up and says, " i dont want jongers, give me an e-card."

technology -- it insinuated its way into these kids' brains. its far more pervasive than i imagined!